`./gradlew connectedDebugAndroidTest` on AGP 8.1.2 + JDK 17 dies with

    java.lang.IllegalAccessError: class com.google.protobuf.GeneratedMessageV3
      tried to access method
      com.google.protobuf.CodedInputStream.shouldDiscardUnknownFields()
      (GeneratedMessageV3 in URLClassLoader; CodedInputStream in loader 'app')

before any test runs (tests=0 in the JUnit XML, APK uninstall failures
in the UTP cleanup phase). Root cause: UTP host plugins live in their
own URLClassLoader while ddmlib lives in Gradle's "app" classloader,
and each pulls its own protobuf-java version; the JVM treats the two
copies as distinct types and the cross-classloader method dispatch
fails.

AGP 8.1.2 has no `useUnifiedTestPlatform=false` opt-out (Google
removed that flag in 8.x), and the obvious "upgrade AGP" path
retriggers the rust-android-gradle 0.9.6 mergeJniLibFolders
duplicate-resources bug we already had to dodge.

Bypass UTP entirely with `adb shell am instrument -w` -- the same
path CI's android-emulator-runner action uses, which is why CI runs
the suite green while local does not. The script:

  - Builds debug + androidTest APKs via gradle (no UTP touched).
  - Auto-picks free ports if 1080/1081/8081/8082 collide locally
    (e.g. sslocal already on 8081).
  - Boots the four fake-upstream Python proxies on the host.
  - Reinstalls both APKs on the emulator.
  - Runs the instrumentation directly via adb am instrument.
  - Parses the INSTRUMENTATION_STATUS_CODE / INSTRUMENTATION_CODE
    stream to report PASS / FAIL.
  - Tears everything down on exit.

Verified locally on AVD meow_api35 (arm64-v8a, API 35): 8/8 tests
green in 0.4 s of test time.

Co-Authored-By: Claude Opus 4.7 (1M context) <noreply@anthropic.com>